PHS:Glossary

From Hendriepedia

Contents 1 # 2 A 3 B 4 C 5 D 6 E 7 F 8 G 9 H 10 I 11 J 12 K 13 L 14 M 15 N 16 O 17 P 18 Q 19 R 20 S 21 T 22 U 23 V 24 W 25 X 26 Y 27 Z

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123 Ass Kick Street

Fictional street address given by characters (Lloyd Bonafide)

1-2-3-You're-A-Dyke

Fictional phone number given by Doug Dannger.

A

AT-3400 Air Taser

Taser model owned by Vernon Dozier. Usually stored in a gym bag for handy access when it becomes necessary to zap elderly men in the scrotillia. Vernon owns the "high-tech four star" with the power pack.

AirScan Security 

Airport Security Company owned by Vernon Dozier. AirScan employs the mentally challenged and uses "aversion techniques" to train staff. Mr. Dozier feels he is doing good for the mentally challenged by providing them with good jobs, rather than working at McDonald’s..."Mopping up their own drool, and scaring children." or standing in front of supermarkets asking people if they would like to buy flowers.

Al Kwyda 

Al Quaida (Al-Qaeda)

All crippled up

physically incapacitated. Steve Bosell was all crippled up and couldn't attend the Father-Daughter Dance at April Jr.'s school.

All messed up

In an extreme state of dissaray. Usually enunciated by putting accent on the 'all'.

"All wrong"

suspicious happenings

American Rage

Bob Green's uncontrollable urge to call people "a mother-lovin raghead."

Andy Gump 

A portable outhouse.

Apex-1

California-based driving school and one-time Bob Green employer. Bob believed firmly that black people got more speeding tickets because their feet are naturally heavier than white people's.

Aqua Net

Brass Villenheuva's girlfriends hair product of 'choice'

Apple-Tree 

To have sex with. As in "A census taker apple-treed my wife."

Arby's Beefwich

sandwich made with thinly-sliced roast beef on a bun, available at Arby's fast-food restaurants. Used as a bribe by Father James McQuarters.

Are You Putting me on? 

A question to another person when you feel someone is screwing with you.

"Are You For Real?" 

Bobbie Dooley's classic fallback line, used to question the integrity of just about any flustering caller.

Asoom 

Bud Dickman spells it this way to avoid making an ass out of u and me.

Ass Gas Catcher, the 

A product of Peenman Enterprises. In case of a global winter...."Simply line up to the Ass Gas Catcher, pass wind into it and it will catch all that marvelous methane gas to help power the heat, the air conditioning, even a gas stove in your bunker complex." The Ass Gas Catcher has a retail price of $32,000 , but does come personally loaded with methane from Art Bell.

Ass Jacket, the

It's a jacket made by Peenman Enterprises. In case of a emergency when there is a toilet paper shortage it acts as toilet paper. You just take off the jacket and use when necessary.

Ass Purse, the

A wallet that can be inserted into the anus.

Ate the same dirt

fought in the same war, or endured the same combat conditions. Used mostly by Lloyd Bonafide when talking to fellow veterans.

B

B & B Construction 

Construction contracting company owned by Steve Bosell. Both B's stand for Bosell, as in "Bosell and Bosell."

Bababooey!

exclamation used by crank callers

Back Toe 

camel toe, so severe that it's evident from the back side - as in when a woman is bending over, say, to pick up a dropped piece of bacon. Can also be very severe if one has "Bacon Strips".

Bacon Strips

streaks in underwear

Baked Potato Tree 

A Christmas tree resplendent with hot baked potatoes created by Ted Bell. Patrons of Ted's of Beverly Hills can pick out their own potatoes from the tree.

Bakersfield Chimp 

To act out against someone in an aggressive and violent manner. The term is taken from an event in Bakersfield Ca. where two chimps mauled a man. Following the attack, St. James Davis needed surgery to reattach his nose. His testicles and a foot were also severed.

Banana-yellow Pantsuit

Common attire for one Bobbie Dooley.

Bärd 

The "correct" pronunciation of the word "bird" used by Jeff Dowder.

Basketball Follies

Harlem Globetrotter type basketball troup comprised of Citizen's Auxiliary Police members. The team performed at area high school assemblies, then would wait across the street in their convertibles for the girls to get out of school. CAP would take the girls to get burgers and maybe park at the lake and talk.

Battle Axe

(n) Synonym for Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Bean Car

See Beaner Mobile.

Bean Fiddler

A lesbian. Commonly used by Jay Santos and Bob Green.

Beaner Mobile

A vehicle driven mainly by Hispanics and Hispanic-Americans. Common models include El Caminos and lowered trucks. Additionally: fuzzy dice on the rear view, "8th street rollers" painted on the side.

Beaner Wagon

See Beaner Mobile.

Beast in Training

Teenage daughter of a Suburban Sex Beast.

Beating the C

See Defrauding an Innkeeper.

Beautiful Dollar

Refers to a large personal income resulting from a highly profitable business; used both by Ted Bell and Bob Green.

Beef Curtains

excessive labia, contributing to major camel toe.

Beer Permission Slip

An allowance granted to teens by Jay Santos and the C.A.P. to drink alcohol and engage in sex acts without fear of being penalized.

'Betes

Diabetes

Betsy Wetsy Doll

Steve Bosell's doll which he threw off a roof to practice throwing his niece. It shattered into several pieces.

Big in the Chest Area

possessing large breasts. Justin McElroy to young female caller: "Are you big in the chest area?"

Big Tall Kids (BTK)

a line of clothing for children by Brad Rifkin, the logo features a child being strangled. This concept is particularly offensive because the timing coincides with the capture of the notorious Bind-Torture-Kill (BTK) serial killer.

Big White Phone, The

A toilet. Commonly used to talk to Ralph on. If you're having problems from both ends, we refer to this as 'Doing 360s on the Big White Phone.' Oftentimes, 360s result from eating anything made by Chef Carl Chodillia.

Bin Laden

Infamous international terrorist once spotted at Blockbuster Video in Van Nuys, CA by R.C. Collins.

Bin Lad-namen

On a few occassions, RC Collins prounounced Bin Laden's name as this.

Bin-aboo-keggie

Harvey Wireman's mispronunciation of NYC's Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik

Bipper

Term that Jeff Dowder uses for a marijuana cigarette. Also known as "bippidge" (sic)

Bitch mobile

see Bitch Wagon.

Bitch Wagon

SUV driven by "gringos" such as a ford explorer.

Bite the Towel

As a Siamese Twin, having homosexual "intercourse", even though one of them is not gay.

Blasting up

The act of getting high on cannabis sativa.

Blouse Clowns

Women’s breasts.

Blood Vessel

see Bean mobile.

Blow your doors off

Blow your mind

Blows Chimp(s)

Something that sucks.

Blows Chipmunk

See also, "Blows Chimp".

Blows-O-Meter

A device that R.C. Collins uses that farts to determine how bad something is. example "(Fart sounds then R.C. sniffs) YEP! Bean Dip!"

Blue Arm Band

When coupled with a pith helmet, Bermuda shorts and a Madras shirt, comprises the uniform of Jay Santos and the Citizen's Auxiliary Police.

Bob's Novelties

A novelty shop owned and operated by Bob Green. He claimed the novelty industry was hit hard in the aftermath of Katrina, and, despite being located in Los Angeles, demanded relief from the Federal Government "the same day the checks go out" to New Orleans residents and business owners.

Bobbie Pie

A dessert consisting of Bobbie Dooley underneath several layers of whipped cream.

Bone Smoking

The act of performing oral sex on a man.[list:498117a657]

Bone Smoker

One who "smokes bone;" a homosexual.

Bowl Haircut

Bowl-shaped hair styles, often a reference to an Asian.

Break Ass, Broke Ass, Broke Butt

The expelling of poisonous methane gas from the anal area.

Breaking off hold

The action of a caller who has been placed on hold to get off of hold by the tremendous force of his/ her will. Also known as fighting off of hold.

Brief

Jim Sadler's choice of workout wear, with a leopard print. Also wears a wrestling singlet.

Brokeback Mountain Olympics

a women-only banana-eating contest created by Bob Green of Fraiser Foods. Grand prize: $1,000 grocery shopping spree.

Brosnans

A woman's breasts. See Blouse Clowns, Hogans.

Buck Cornwall

Harvey Wireman's mispronunciation of Bill Cosby

Buck Out

When someones buck teeth come out (see, Tojo Out) " Her teeth bucked out"

Buckwheat Potato

Ted Bell's potato which resembled Buckwheat. Steak Fries for lips.

Bud Dykeman

Common mispronunciation of Bud Dickman's name (usually perpetrated by Lloyd Bonafide)

Bunkhouse Swap

See Bunkhouse Switch.

Bunkhouse Switch

The conversion of heterosexuals to homosexuals purposefully induced by Hollywood through the film "Brokeback Mountain."

Bunnie Bellhaven

Devoted wife of world-class serial-murderer Walter Bellhaven. Bunnie is well-known for her tasty chili, and also enjoys attending Phil Hendrie Webcast parties.

Buns Up in a Nuns Habit/ Father Gregory and the Boys

Movies Phil forgot to return, he embarrassingly received a courtesy call on the show.

Burb-billy / Suburban-billy

A person with Hillbilly like manners and behavior from the Suburbs.

Burning Man

Annual Nevada art festival attended by Lloyd Bonafide. Lloyd once called into the show from Burning Man... naked.

Burrowing Weasel

n. Creature formed by the accumulation of Poo Soup in the intestinal tract causing intense abdominal pressure prior to expulsion or death. Physical size of weasel varies with mass of young children sitting on one's lap.

Bush-Pig

n. An overweight bar-slut with mosquito-bitten legs who, while wearing beer goggles, looks like Bo Derek, but when you wake up next to her, looks like Bo Diddly.

Bush-Piggin'

v. To have one's drunken way with said bush-pig, usually resulting in a trip to the free clinic and a long drinking moratorium.

Butterhog

n. a grossly overweight woman

Buyer Beware

See Soak Blast!.

C

Cadet Eye

RC Collins' sixth sense

Camp Troubled Eagle

Summer camp in Delaware that teaches kids how to recognize and react to child predators/molesters. Counselor Austin Amarka removed his pants to fully exhibit what a predator might do.

Cannabis sativa

Phil's favorite synonym for marijuana.

Caruthers

Last name of Lloyd Bonafide's next-door-neighbor. Husband of Marilyn Caruthers, a notorious elderly slut. One night, when Lloyd saw the flash from the gun that Caruthers killed himself with, he simply muttered, "Caruthers."

Carve It

see Carve Job.

Carve Job

An abortion.

Carve Out

see Carve Job.

Cat

60's beat slang for what Phil calls everyone (or black people).

Categorical Rejection

Herb Sewell, a convicted child molester, fends off accusations with the quote "I categorically reject that, sir." in this case the definition of categorical is "absolute".

Cat Fight

a show produced by Brad Rifkin, kids are attacked in the mall, and the ensuing melee is taped.

Cell-Phone Activated Henhouse Bomb

device used by vegetarian Austin Amarka to abuse chickens (at least he doesn't eat them) from a safe distance before he plays "Taps."

Channel 19 News

local news program which airs at almost all hours of the afternoon and evening (ie. “tune in at 5, 6, 8, 10 and 11 o’clock”) and which features, among others, lead anchorman Don Berman, Donna DeCruz with the Up with People segment and weather with the award-winning Golden “Goldie” Showers.

Checking the Nostril Portions

Strategy used by the C.A.P. at a roadside flaredrop where officers would pull unwilling driver's heads back by their hair and check the "nostril portions" for any drug residue.

Chimp Chow

Peenman Enterprises product which preoccupies someone who is "going chimp," giving you time to escape.

Chimp Festival (Chimponzee Festival)

To have or engage sexual intercourse with a chimp.

Chimponzee

The "correct" pronunciation of the word "chimpanzee" used by Jeff Dowder and Margaret Gray.

Chinee

Any person of Asian descent considered to be a communist. Any callers offering to defend such people must themselves be "Chinee" and the question must be asked by Vernon Dozier, "Are you Chinee?"

Chinese Itch, the

An ambiguous STD contracted by Lloyd Bonafide in Korea.

Choad

The heinous, otherwise indescribable area between the teabag and the Leykis.

Choadmonkey

An insult to a person you mean to belittle. Dirivative of the term "Choad".

Chodillia Records

Record label responsible for the success amongst male teens at Chatsworth High School circa late 2000-early 2001 of boy bands such as Scrubbed-n-Fresh, The Cleancut Boys, Soap Times Two and The Four Teens. Nobody else had ever heard of them, however.

Chris 2000

Chris Norton's campaign to bring back the Speedo in the summer of 2000, involving, besides his Speedo; a Frisbee, ankle bracelet, and six-pack of Tab. It was always easy to spot Chris, as there was usually a large group of women following him by the time he was a couple-hundred yards out from the pier.

Chris Norton Clean Break 2006

a method invented for men by Chris Norton wherein the man claims to be pro-life (and produces pro-life reading materials from his boot) after intercourse, thereby preventing a sexual relationship from becoming an emotional one.

Chris Norton Experience, the

Chris Norton's instructional program on getting laid. Sells for $29.99. Contact information unknown.

Chris Norton MILF Method, the

Chris Norton's instructional program on picking up older women.

Chrome Buttock Mold

A device invented by General Johnson Jameson that prevents people from anal rape A.K.A. a rear attack.

Chubby

Erection

Citizen's Auxiliary Police (C.A.P.)

A volunteer police agency that Jay Santos is a part of.

Clang

Chinese word meaning "out."

Climb up on it

To mount for the purpose of sex.

Coastal Pen & Pencil

School supply company for which Dean Wheeler once telemarketed. All Mr. Wheeler would have to do is simply dial a number and give his name in order to close a sale. Amazingly, he dialed directly into Phil's studio to conduct a sale from a second line, while already on the air with Phil.

Cob-O-matic

A device that when placed on a certain part of the body, makes you sound old, an easy way to get dinner theater reservations if you're a black man.

Code 9

the American military's dignified suicide ritual. Practiced at Bradley Military Academy by raising a cap pistol to one's temple after the Commandant curtseys.

Colder Than A Witches Boob

Saying meaning "it's very cold", may cause your date's mother to take her home

Comb-Over Boy

Tom Leykis.

"Come At Me!"

an invitation to fight (generally exercised by one Lloyd Bonafide)

Come through the phone

The act of shrinking oneself down to a microscopic level in order to travel through fiber optic cable and phone lines to inflict damage to another person.

Congoationalist

according to Clara Bingham, a cannibalistic church. In actually, she misheard a caller describe herself as a "Congregationalist" Christian, and spend the whole hour berating her (the caller, an old lady from Huntington Beach, seemed to be playing along with the joke, and stayed on the line during the whole show).

Coon-boy West

Harvey Wireman's mispronunciation of Kanye West.

Cornhole, England

What Bud calls Cornwall, England, when he goes to observe an eclipse. In actuality, he's in Salt Lake City.

Could make a freight train take a dirt road

Common insult used by characters to describe an extremely ugly woman.

Crap-eating grin

An intense, gloating smile. (Can be heard near-constantly in the voice of Ted Bell). It is also used by Lloyd Bonafide to describe Chandra Levy.

Crazier than a craphouse rat

very very crazy

The Creature

Herb Sewell's nemesis (A.K.A. his mother)

Cupjob

The act of cupping another person's crotch while they run a gauntlet (See: Globe and Anchor)

D

Defrauding an Innkeeper

Any person who, with intent to defraud, procures food or accommodations from any public establishment, without making payment therefor in accordance with his or her agreement with such public establishment, is guilty of a misdemeanor if the total amount due under such agreement is five hundred dollars or less and, upon conviction thereof, shall be punished by a fine of not more than five hundred dollars, or by imprisonment in the county jail for not more than ninety days, or by both such fine and imprisonment; and, if the amount due under such agreement is more than five hundred dollars, such person commits a class 6 felony. Also known as "Beating the C."

Dicksicle

See Pleasure Pop.

Ding Ding

Meaning “a car just pulled up.” Used by people who have to wipe their drool with an oil rag.

Dirty Pool

Saying something exceedingly hurtful or offensive; "crossing the line."

Do you Supersize?

Raj Fahneen-ese for “You are a fat American pig.”

Dokor Lor

(person) - Bud Dickman's term for radio host and psychologist Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Donner Party of Two Recipe Book

A cannibal recipe book created by Peenman Enterprises designed in case your plane crashes in the middle of no where and you have no food. There are such recipes as Uragarian Cab Driver La 'Orange, Canadian Banker Under Glass, Texas Oil Man Stew and Filet of Chilian School Teacher.

"Don't Even Think About It"

Poster campaign by Bob Green warning his employees not to even think about doing anything wrong. Posters with this slogan were posted in female restroom stalls and featured a picture of Mr. Green's face with eyes that appeared to follow the viewer.

Don't Mess With Texas

(n) Radical pro-death penalty organization run by Austin Amarka. Known for holding chili cookoffs when convicted killers are executed in Texas.

Double-Bagger

A woman who is so ugly that you have to put a bag on your head in case the bag on her's breaks. Also known as two-bagger.

DQP with Chee

Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Douchealicous

A state of profoundly intolerable douchness.

Drop Schick

Putting razorblades in apples.

Dumb as a handful of Georgia clay

very, very stupid.

"Dy-no-mite"

Term used by the Citizen's Auxiliary Police to associate with kids these days.

E

Earth Handle, the

A device created by Peenman Enterprises used to anchor yourself to the Earth in the event that it loses its gravity.

Easter Bunny

Was accidentally shot and killed (recorded on a call to 911)

Eating (Eats) A Box Lunch

(phrase) - Cunnilingus. Attributing the phrase to a woman implies that she is a lesbian. i.e. "I don't like this caller, Phil. I think she eats a box lunch."

Eat corn through a chainlink fence

To have buck teeth. See Buck Out, Bucked Out, Tojo Out.

Eat lunch at Box Canyon

To be a lesbian.

Ectrodactyly

According to Chris Norton, it is "A birth defect that causes your feet to be flipper-like and your hands too." As a result, "everything's all fused up."

Edible Complex

n. Freud's Oedipus Complex, as called by Steve Bosell

Egyptian Fever, the

An exotic STD contracted by Lloyd Bonafide in Korea.

Elvis the Donkey

short lived show mascot, brought in by Bud Dickman

Emotional Diarrhia

Steve Bosell's emotional state, as prescribed by Dolores Blasengame

Escape From Fashion Island

Reality TV show created by Tony Neil where $1 million would be rewarded to the team that could successfully abduct a child from a mall and make it to the door without being caught. A scholarship is also rewarded to the abductee of the winning team, but none of the other children.

Evident

another euphemism for the male version of 'camel toe'. As in, when Phil was discussing use of his publicity shots w/ Mrs. Roberta Dooley, and he noted that it looked like there was "a pair of oranges down there". use: "I was, uh, hhh, very evident"

Extreme Nudity

dangerous sports performed in the nude, including cliff diving and mountain biking. Invented by Jeff Dowder.

F

F-Off

Abrupt way to end a conversation with some one. Used by Vernon Dozier (maybe?) Ex: Vernon told the Girl Scout Brownies to F-Off with their cookies.

Fag Hag

a woman with gay friends

Fan

lowest person in the Phil Hendrie Universe. See Sodomized, irrelevant, inconsequential.

Fighting off of hold

The action of a guest caller who has been placed on hold to get off of hold by the tremendous force of his or her will. Also known as breaking off of hold.

Fifth Ring, the

Hell.

Flip a Bone

The middle finger

Flare Drop

Jay Santos will stop traffic with these.

Flow

Woman's time of the month.

Forehead Boy

Bill O’Reilly.

Fornication Man

Harvey Wireman's mispronunciation of 50 Cent.

Frank Chubb

a troubled man with an unfortunate name. As a child he stabbed a classmate in the eye with a pencil. Has a daughter named Lotta Chubb. Later revealed it was his first name which bothered him, and changed his name to Chubby Chubb!

Frazier Food Stores

Southwestern US supermarket chain created and run by Bob Green. All customers must say thank you when they are leaving or they can't take their items with them.

Fresh Crop Magazine

Publication by Larry Grover featuring photos and profiles on females under the age of five intended for wealthy male celebrities to choose a wife.

Free-ballin'

Wearing shorts with no underwear.

Fright Wig

An afro wig, usually multicolored

Full Bore

Going all the way, very determined "I'm having a full bore fiesta"

Full Toe & Eraserheads

a female condition wherein the contour of the nipples and vagina are plainly evident through her clothing. Sometimes known as “full, 180-degree toe and eraserheads.”

Fully Formed Gay Man

Term Doug Dannger uses to separate himself from lesser gays (gay people who have yet to "come out" or have "come out" after him)

Funkadilia

a fowl, funky, and uncool situation

G

Gay Eye

The special power or ability gays have to see or understand things that heterosexuals cannot.

Gay Navy Seals with a Starfish

a highly-proficient demolition team of highly-gay individuals proposed by Doug Dannger who, as a gay journalist, would be an honorary member.

Gay Thumbs

Doug Dannger's ratings for his movie reviews. It goes up to Six Gay Thumbs up, Six Gay Thumbs Down, or, in the case that he hasn't seen the movie, Even Gay Thumbs (the thumb pointed level).

Gender Confusion

Phenomena in which Frank Gray switches people's genders while talking about them (unless they are gay)

Get Your Cookies

To get off. To enjoy ones self (usually in a perverse manner).

Gingham Wearers

Clara Bingham's term for conservative white women (gingham dress)

Globe and Anchor

A navy rite of passage which takes place as sailors run down a tailhook gauntlet. Occurs in conjunction with the Group Grope (The Globe and the Group). As the man goes down the gauntlet, he recieves "a little cupjob on the nut area", followed by a gentle squeeze on either or both of the ass cheeks, and finally a very light kiss on the back of the neck. May or may not be followed by a "nice little sloppy kiss on the mouth" by Bosun's Mate Gene Cutler. Is neither salacious nor wrong-minded and is part of the military code of conduct observed by retired veterans. The process can be livened up by participating "without any boxers on".

Globe Boy/Bacon Boy

Spoken by Clara Bingham to a fat boy while she hid behind a tree, and other kids laughed

Gloid

See Mongoloid.

Go Bakersfield Chimp

see Bakersfield Chimp.

gob

to gobble, eat or otherwise insert in one's mouth.

Gobbalah

part of The Kabbalah that Madonna joined.

Gobblers Anonymous

Bud Dickman misinterpreted Gamblers Anonymous as this, and repeatedly badgered Phil about being a member of this fictitious organization.

Goblin Juice

A Top Secret elixir that, when consumed, turns the user invisible.

GD

short for god damn or god dammit.

Going Chimp

1. To be violent against someone or something (e.g. to go Bakersfield Chimp) 2. To engage in a Chimp Festival.

Gone But Not Forgotten

Entertainment service created by Brad Rifkin where an actor is made-up to replicate a dead relative and sent to that relative's door for the purpose of easing the grieving process. Actors are encouraged to go with the flow, which sometimes entails being assaulted or sleeping with an elderly widow.

Gothball

Sport played by R.C. Collins and his friends.

"Grandpa's Attic"

An educational videogame developed by Lloyd Bonafide. The players assume the rolls of children and explore Grandpa's attic to uncover gold doubloons, funny hats, a loaded shotgun, and a perverted uncle. "...the lights come back on, the uncle is gone from the screen, and both children have been fully molested."

Grape Soda

Used in conjuction with pepperoni pizza to distract your teens from raping you with a broom handle on the anniversary of Columbine.

Green Apple Two-Step, the

An exotic STD that "just about everyone who's ever served in uniform, including the wonderful George Washington" came home with, according to Lloyd Bonafide.

Group Grope

A navy rite of passage which takes place as sailors run down a tailhook gauntlet. Occurs in conjunction with the Globe and Anchor (The Globe and the Group) - normally right afterwards, but before the wet kiss from Bosun's Mate Gene Cutler. The name is self-explanatory. Is neither salacious nor wrong-minded and is part of the military code of conduct observed by retired veterans.

"Grubbin' on Jesus"

the term used by Mavis Leonard to describe church communion

Gunite

Pneumatically projected concrete or mortar.

Gunner's Daughter, The

(n) A form of corporal punishment originally used by sailors and still in use at Bradley Military Acadamy under the juristiction of Commendant Harvey Wireman Esq. It consists of draping and fastening the offender over a cannon and flogging him. An individual who suffers this punishment is said to "Kiss The Gunner's Daughter". Cadet R.C. Collins has suffered this penalty on several occasions.

Gunt

where her stomach fat has bunched up enough and packs so tight in loose pants that it frames the genital area. Could explore other title options like Atomic Gunt, Uber Toe, etc.

H

Hair System

an outrageously expensive baldness treatment.

"It's not a toupee, it's a hair system! When you think of someone with hair, think of me, Bob Green."

Half-Goblin

The state of being half-human and half-goblin. Usually, exposed portions of the body, such as hands and head, are human. Everything covered by clothing is goblin. Bobbie Dooley believed her neighbor's children to be in a half-goblin state.

Hankey

Unattractive. example "That chick sure is hankey." Also see: Two-Bagger.

Hard On

1. Hatred for something. 2. The male erection.

Have

pronounced "hayve". a half wave

Have at it

A euphemism for masturbation.

Heelkick/Hitchkick

Dance moves used by various characters

Hermosa Beach Safety Patrol

An undertaking of Chris Norton to patrol Hermosa beach and fix the bathing suits of females while they slept on the beach.

Hernando Puter

Brass Villenheuva's Mexican version of Harry Potter, on account of there were no Hispanics in the movie.

Herpays, The

Herpes.

Hershey Squirts

(n) - Diarrhea

Himmler Maneuver

Dave Oliva mis-pronounciation of Heimlich Maneuver

Hitch Kick

A dance step where one kicks and the leg goes as high as the head. Lloyd Bonafide is well known for doing this during performances of Blue Suede Shoes.

Hogans

large female breasts

Honesty at Work

Policy used by Chris Norton where he no longer humored people showing off pictures of their new-born babies by saying they were cute. If the baby was ugly, Chris let them know.

Horned One, The

Satan. Frequently referenced by the guest as a way of telling Phil and/or the caller to go to hell before hanging up.

Hot Meat

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd Bonafide is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Hot Meat In a Pie

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Hot Meat Pies

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Hot Meat Pockets

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Hot Place, the

Hell.

Hot Pies

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Hot Pockets

"A meat-sauce mixture that's in a pie" Once sent Lloyd Bonafide into a violent tailspin when samples of them were given out at a Waverly's grocery store in Alhambra on the anniversary of 9-11. This angered Lloyd because, to him, giving out free samples on 9-11 tantamount to treating the day of mourning like the Fourth of July or New Year's Eve. Lloyd once acquired a sample of the cheddar and broccoli for his grandson at a Costco and it caused a case of the Montezuma's Revenge.

"How do you like me now?"

Dave Oliva-ese for “I just made a great point.”

How Get Wife Lose Weight

The best-selling Diet Book which is subtitled Get The Slob Out Of Your House and is also an autiobiography of singing cowboy legend Roy Rogers (and as such is also subtitled as I Stuffed Trigger In 12 Easy Steps). Currently the book is sold-out worldwide as a group of Boy Scouts have burned every copy, and can only be found in the Miami area at the Minot Mall (Minot is pronounced "Aventura").

Howard Stein / Steen

Various character mispronunciations of radio personality Howard Stern.

Human Waste Chili Maker

A device that can transform human fecal matter into a Texmex meal created by Peenman Enterprises.

I

I.V. and Evacuation Tube

A Peenman Enterprises device that is used for long hours in front of a television. There are two tubes that you use, one that you stick in your arm which provides your body with all of the nutrients that it needs and the other tube goes into your rectum and any waste is deposited into your garden which then becomes fertilizer.

"I'll cut youuuuuu"

A threat. Uttered by Steve Bosell and Tsunami Sam the blues singer.

Intergalactic Pompadour

An extreme pompadour-style hairdo. According to Madeline Albright this is how Kim Jong Il wears his hair.

Itasca Horizon

A top-of-the-line R.V. owned by Lloyd Bonafide.

J

Jackball

A complete, imbecilic idiot. (Half word for "jackass")

Jackson White

A hill person; a severly inbred human with webbed feet, white hair and light colored eyes.

James Fong

A term used to refer to any Chinese man in general; a Chinaman.

Janis Jepplin

A "band" featuring "skank" singer Janis Joplin as described by Chris Norton in his "MILF Method"

Jefferson Starplane

A band featuring "skank" singer Grace Slick as described by Chris Norton in his "MILF Method"

Jew Canoe

a Cadillac.

Jihadists, the

Vernon Dozier's controversial name for his football team.

Jimmy the Gorilla

with Chad the Monkey, both were in captivity, but now work at a casino, Jimmy had sex with Linda Rondstadt.

Johnny Depp Island

Destination where Mavis Leonard believed she would vacation when she was caught up in a telemarketing scam. Mavis gave the scammers her life savings and possessions, and never got to visit the island.

Joyful Union Chruch

(n) - A pentecostal church and middle school in Bellflower, California. It is run by Pastor William Rennick and his wife Clara Bingham.

Jump/Climb it

Chris Norton's term for sex.

Junkwear

Makes reference to the tight, junk-enhancing pants that Naval personnel wear. Often marks a sailor as gay. Might be seen on sailors at the Hong Kong port of call.

Junk

The male genitalia.

The Jungle

see Soak Blast!.

K

Kingdom of Nye, The

How Art Bell refers to Nye County, NV to make it sound more mysterious and forboding than it really is. Also where Art Bell's studio was located prior to his remarriage.

Kiss the Gunner's Daughter

Commandant Harvey Wireman's questionable form of punishment to Cadet R.C. Collins. Involves being stripped from the waist down, bent over the side of a cannon, and flayed without mercy. "...take him below for the makings!"

Kong King Movie, The

The 2006 film King Kong, as referenced by Dave Oliva concerning whether or not racial tension will be raised between blacks and whites once the movie is available for rent.

Kush

Marijuana.

L

La Roove, The

Dave Oliva was talking about police chases and performing a move called the La Roove where-in he jumps out of the pursuing car onto the hood of the perps car and rolls over the windsheild and into the car through a window. He was trying to convince everyone that it was a standard law enforcement maneuver because he saw it done on Starsky and Hutch.

La La, The

A mating call that Rudy Canosa believes is something all women want.

Largest Collection of Adult Films on the West Coast

Chris Norton is the proud owner of the largest collection of adult films on the west coast.

Largest Collection of Child Pornography on the West Coast

Raj Faneen was caught with the largest collection of child pornography on the west coast on his computer. He maintains that he was set-up, but doesn't think it would be anyone's business even if the pictures were his.

Leaf

Marijuana, as in "Blastin' Up The Leaf."

Legend of the Haunted Car, The

a Glendora, California legend about a young couple who, after a drive-in movie, a milk shake and “smokin’ a little bit of the green,” tried to outrun a Union Pacific train and didn’t make it. According to Steve Bosell, on a dark rainy night, you can see their car coming down the street with it’s ghostly radio playing “Hotel California” and two headless ghosts behind the wheel.

Leaving (Leave) You Butt Up With A Flower In It (phrase)

A term used by Navy veteran Lloyd Bonafide to describe the results of the application of an informal corporal punishment via gang sodomy of the offending party. Possibly, this retribution involves literally inserting the stem of a flower into the rectum as a final humiliation. This punishment is also know as "Tailgunning" or getting "Tailgunned".

Licks Ape

sucks

Licks Chimp

sucks

"A Little Bird Told Me"

Margaret's column

Living Casualty Exhibit

Lloyd's one man show about the atrocities of war.

Living Hades, the

Hell.

Log drop

a swirly given to a dissenter, the only difference is the bowl has been filled with a bowel of chili

"Look Over There" Maneuver

A very simple maneuver, as any child knows, that the CAP uses to get into a home. The officer points somewhere, you look, and then he gets by you. The Illinois Industrial Trackfooters have had a lot of success with this.

Loss of Consortium

the inability of one's spouse to have normal marital relations. Grounds for a Steve Bosell lawsuit.

"Low Post To Grover, Score It!"

Victory call of Larry Grover.

M

Maintenance Purge

anorexia for the purpose of maintaining a certain weight.

Make You Want to Fall to Your Knees and Weep (Like You Just Got Intercepted for a 70-Yard Return and Six Points the Other Way)

to cause a feeling of great disappointment.

Making A Run On the Taco

Arriving at Taco Bell with less than $20 on free-taco-day. (See also: Mooching the Taco)

Man who Died on the Cross, The

Jesus.

Marionetteacide

The Murder of a Puppet. Coined by David G Hall in response to Phil killing Frodo during the "Why Women Say Sex Harassment" Phil Explains the Bullcrap bit.

Mark Mabel Guthrie

Host of the most recent Phil Hendrie Webcast party attended by Herb Sewell, Bunnie Bellhaven, Jim Pennifer, Clark David Lyle, William Asbury, Jeffrey Hugh, and other 1927 New York Yankee caliber criminals you've read about.

Mark Of The Beast Tattoo Kit

A Peenman device that will put "666" on your forehead and when any people come to you they will be scared and run away.

Meat Packing Plant

A reference by Margaret Gray to her husband, Frank, when commenting on his manhood.

Meat Pie

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Meat Pocket

See also, Hot Pockets. Lloyd is so confused and befuddled that he can't quite get the product's name right.

Mel Gibbins

(person) - Actor and director Mel Gibson, as referred to by Steve Bosell

Mint Green

Rectal wipe for the Twenty-first Century

Mm hmm

Charicteristic sound Bobbie Dooley makes when shes not listening.

Mmm Mmm Smooth as Silk

What every AA member thinks when he looks at a bottle of Wild Irish Rose.

Modality

Musical term used by Jeff Dowder. Usually in form "jazz modality."

Mo Howard Haircut

(n) See Bowl Haircut, Mr. Spock Haircut.

Mongo Chow

A kibbel like food placed in a bowl (much like dog food) for the "Mongos" to eat in their aluminum 4' x 7' "room."

Mongo Hollywood

Bud's mispronunciation of the lounge music album Mondo Hollywood, a CD Phil was discussing as he used it for bumper music.

Mongoloid

Someone with down syndrome, sometimes shortened to just "mongo" or "gloid;" a retard.

Monkey on the Prowl

see Soakblast.

Montezuma's Revenge

Diarrhea.

Mooching the Taco

Arriving at Taco Bell with less than $20 on free-taco-day. (See also: Making A Run On the Taco)

Morning Dew

Poontang.

Motard

Combination of a Moron and a Retard...First used by R.C. Collins

Motion Activated Laser Beam

A Peenman product Alarm that when activated by an intruder will turn them into a ant hill pile of dust.

Mountain Trash

Someone of low social and economic standing. Generally reside in the hills and mountains of the Appalachian.

Mud

Poo.

Mr. Spock Haircut

See Bowl Haircut.

Mud Turtles

hanky broads

Mulatto

½ African-American.

N

National Seniors Recreational Vechicle Alliance

A group of senior citizen R.V. owners that Lloyd Bonafide referenced on 11-23-2003 as being a part of. Is lobbying for legislation that would require motorists to yield right-of-way to recreational vehicles, especially when driven by senior citizens under threat of blinding by a rack of high-powered Xenon lights mounted on the R.V.

Nail-E

Elian spelled backwards, explains that the government was going to nail Elian Gonzalez to the cross "Just like Jesus"

Neighbor-O-Matic

When you accidently kill your neighbor you can use this device to turn him into mulch ten times more nourishing than compost.

Nether Reaches, the

Hell.

Nether Reaches Shampoo

Pubic hair shampoo, financed by Lloyd Bonifide

Nog Lip

A condition that gives the appearance that you're a homosexual caused by getting egg nog on your upper lip from taking a drink.

No Radiation Spray

A spray invented by Art Bell that takes off any radiation exposure.

"I'm Not Familiar"

A common way guests evade questions, usually directly after actually answering the question.

"Not Non-Hankey"

Hankey

Nuded up

the removal of one's clothing, especially in preparation for an Extreme Nudity sporting event.

Nut Of The Month Club

A product that was advertised on Art Bell that claimed after the Y2K disaster that nuts would become the new currency. Macdameia Nuts were suppose to be the most valuable.

O

O'

Opium; a contraction of the word "opium."

Tokin' O'

Smoking opium.

Octoroon

1/8 African-American.

Onnacounta'

a brutalization of the words 'on account of'. to preemnt the statement of a reason, one may begin a sentence 'onnacounta'.

"Ooh Yeah!"

Phrase shouted out by Dr. Jim Sadler as he waves his pinky finger and passes by traffic on the highway. This move/phrase is taken from the Macho Man Randy Savage.

Owl

Marijuana.

Sparking the Owl

Lighting up a joint.

Smoking Owl

Smoking Marijuana.

Out!

Saying by Jim Rome. Equivalent to “yeah, I’m all that.” or "Good Bye."

Ox tail soup

basically rectal vietnam

P

Paddle It, Paddling It

(phrase) - a colloquialism for masturbation used by Steve Bosell.

Pandemic

New Millenium word that describes a human-transmissible outbreak of bird flu.

Pan-face

Someone with Down syndrome; a retard; a mongoloid.

Pants Go Brown

A phrase spoken after the rear-end excreats mudd.

Pants Rat

A bulge in the trousers

Passion of Mr. Jesus Christ

Passion of The Christ. Steve Bosell refers to the film as the "Passion of Mr. Jesus Christ."

Paying Your Dozier Dues

The state in which someone has achieved the recognition and respect of Vernon Dozier in a gym. This can be achieved by excellent physique, wiping Vernon's sweat off of the equipment he uses, and working out to the sounds of Chicago's "25 or 6 to 4". Also, once you have paid your Dozier Dues, when you do squat lifts "something hits the floor".

Peenman Enterprises

The sponsor of Coast to Coast AM, selling survivalist products for when the Apocolypse strikes.

Phantom nut

sensation felt by R.C. Collins after he lost a testicle to cancer.

Phlegm/ Cheese Wedge

Substance in Wiremans throat, can be broken up with Squirt.

Pig Latin

Mumbo-jumbo.

Pith Helmet

Lightweight safari-style hat of European origin. Fashion staple of Jay Santos and other members of the Citizen's Auxilary Police. Also see Blue Arm Band. "...tip of the cap and we're on our way."

Pile It High and Deep

Phrase used by various characters for various reasons. The phrase is a tribute to the greatest film known to man - 'What About Bob?' In the film, Bob wants Fay Marvin to pile his dinner salad high and deep.

Pleasure Pop

An adult frozen novelty treat, consisting of juice frozen around a cream filling and shaped like a man's genitalia.

Pleather

Plastic and Leather pant material worn by Steve Bosell on occasion.

Plumped Out

Used by Mr. Steven Bosell to describe his woody.

Polesmoke.com

Web site reccommended by R.C. Collins to prepare Americans for our inevitable surrender to Al Qaeda.

Pole Squat

To ride a man's pole. Ususally found in reference to homosexuals.

Poo Soup

The Squirts, Diahrea, Food Poisoning

Poon Mattress

Ejects patients through the roof, in case of flood

Poop Deck

Old slang for 'ass'. Used by Lloyd Bonafide and Harvey Wireman.

Porkpie Hat

Sometimes called a "Stingy Brim", it's a smallish, low-crowned, flat-brimmed felt hat worn by such notables as jazz saxophone great Lester Young and comedian Buster Keaton.

Pound Sand

The origin of the expression go pound sand is from a longer expression, not to know (have enough sense to) pound sand down a rathole. Filling rat holes with sand is menial work, and telling someone to pound sand down a hole is like telling them to go fly a kite. The expression dates to at least 1912 and is common in the midwestern United States.

Pressed Ham

Mooning against glass.

Prophets backyard, the

Dean Wheelers term for anal sex

Pro-Tech

See Wet-Away.

Processed Pompadour

Any obnoxiously out-of-fashion affected hairdo that someone's been using for at least ten years, though never having to be exactly shoeshined or a pompadour proper.

Psilocybin tea

One of Phil's many favorite drug references. A tea made from psychedelic mushrooms, Psilocybin being the psychotropic ingredient found therein.

Pussified

The state of being a pussy

Q

Quadroon

¼ Black

Quarter Pounder with Chee'

A Quarter Pounder® with Cheese. Known by aficionados as the easiest fast-food burger to eat while driving.

R

R.C. Collins Bradley Military Academy "My Word is Poontang" Scale, The

A means of rating movies used by R.C. Collins. The only known rating is '10' and was only ever used on one movie - In the Mix starring Usher.

R.V. Rally Rodeo

An event that Lloyd Bonafide participated in as part of the National Seniors Recreational Vechicle Alliance.

Race Mixing

Prevalent in jazz clubs and pool halls.

Radio Wave Repellent Hat

A Peenman product that is designed to keep away foriegn entities or the CIA from entering your head. It is entirely made of Aluminum foil and it comes in Cowboy, Fedora, Beret and Bowler style.

Ragged

when a girl is on her period.

Raghead

An Al-Qaeda terrorist.

Ranch-style homosexuality

A term coined to describe the phenomenon of ranchers easing one another's solitude on the plains, as inspired by Brokeback Mountain.

Confused for salad dressing in other languages.

Rastafarian Radio

hosted by Big Jay, but is always out with cannibis related illnesses. The white weatherman Terry McCoy fills in and cannot pronounce Rastafarian and knows nothing about reggae.

Rat tailed

Drunk, as in: Harry got rat tailed at the Dave and Busters appearance. ~ used on the Jan 5 Show, third hour.

Regalia, the

Nudist religion

Retárd

The politically correct use of the word "retard."

Revirginization Center

Started by Dr. Jim Sadler to help women create the illusion of virginity after years of "whoring around in back alleys."

Rick Sunderland

Frodo the Puppet's chosen name.

Riddled with Rashes

another slang Chris Norton uses for having herpes.

Riplet

A large ripple in the pacific ocean caused by an excess in japanese cliff jumping.

Rode hard & put up wet

a woman that has a frumpy, unkempt look, may also look used and unattractive.

Romey

Jim Rome

Root Snappage

The result of having sex on an airplane and simultaneously encountering bad turbulence. Coined by Chris "Sesspot" Norton.

"Rots of Ruck!"

Phil says this with deep sarcasm, possibly imitating a severe asian-to-english accent or scooby doo.

Royal American

See Testangular

Run On the Taco

What Jay Santos & CAP hoped to prevent the day Taco Bell offered free tacos nation wide.

Rusty Humphries

Conservative talk show host. Woman once called PHS thinking she was calling Rusty Humphries, and Phil just ran with it. Occasionally mentioned when Phil mocks other talk shows.

Rusty Pelican, the

Favorite hangout of Chris Norton and great place to meet chicks.

S

Sacroiliac

The sacroiliac joint is the joint between the sacrum, at the base of the spine, and the ilium of the pelvis, which are joined by ligaments.

Saddam's Summer Sausage

Saddams "large" penis

Sambos

defunct restaurant with blackface decor.

Sanding down teeth

The act of people sanding down their crooked teeth, usually pertains to Asians.

Santa Spunk

Egg nog.

Savvy

Used by Ike Clanton in the movie Tombstone. Synonymous to "Do you understand?" The whole phrase from the movie was, "Law don't go 'round here, law dog. Savvy?"

Saw An American

An ever-evolving song written and updated by Raj Fahneen with lyrics such as: "See the American white and pasty, suckin on a Big N Tasty ooh yeah, oook..."

Scorched Earth

See Mudd.

Scrotilia

Scrotum.

Scrubbed-n-Fresh

A boy band megagroup consisting of twelve guys who all sing and play no instruments. Signed to Chodillia Records with a CD poised to come out in late 2000 or early 2001. A favorite of R.C. Collins and his friends at Chatsworth High School.

Sessy

Chris Norton's way of saying "sexy," due to his speech impediment.

Sex Nuts

Imprisoned sex offenders as described by Dr. Jim Sadler. Dr. Sadler has proposed a plan to have "sex nuts" placed in halfway houses in middle-class neighborhoods in order to integrate offenders back into society.

Sexual Furby

Furby doll purchased by Lloyd Bonified for his grandson that, of it's own will, dropped F-bombs and lunged at Lloyd's crotch.

Sexual Tsunami

A feeling of being sexually threatened in the wake of, but unrelated to, the Asian tsunami.

Shake-off

releasing excess urine "I forgot to shake off and I dripped on the kids chin"

Shark Shot

A standard maneuver taught to all members of the C.A.P. To be used when controlling a suspicious suspect, According to Jay Santos the move is executed by "holding a riot stick like a pool cue and going right after the testicles".

Shit on a Shingle

a Carl Chodilia recipe, chipped beef on a slice of bread

Shock and Awe

a verb, as opposed to the adj. that was used to describe the United States War on Terror. When Phil "Shock-and Awe's" someone, (usually Margaret Grey singing protest songs) there is a brief air strike that generally kills the caller in question. Bobbie has been known to get in some last words such as "you bastard" in her man voice before she is completely vaporized.

Shoeshined Pompadour

See Processed Pompadour.

Short Stack of Pancakes

What some women will forgive cheating for.

Silent Scream, the

A martial arts move where you get inches from another person's face and open your mouth as wide as you can. Also known as the Face of the Lion. Used by Austin Amarka on a movie theatre patron after being asked to be quiet during a screening of Kill Bill.

Skeleton book

A volume or bound collection of the human bodily structure and the interrelation of its working parts with scant reference to relevant physiology. Of note, meretricious redactions have been known to be in circulation in body politic south of the United States; namely Mexico.

Slabber

otherwise known as slobber.

Sleep Rape

Performing the act of rape while sleepwalking.

Slide Off

(phrase) - Go fuck yourself

Slit your throat for a farthing

(phrase) - Someone so evil they would cut you for a farthing. Cats are often guilty of this

Smackdown De-escalation

One of numerous methods used by Jay Santos and the CAP to prevent moochers from making a run on the taco.

Smoke pole

oral sex

"Snap Out a Roundhouse Kick"

A technique executed in a movie theatre aisle by dojo owner Austin Amarka to intimidate patrons who tell him to be quiet.

Sneaky Pete Wine

drink for bums.

Soak Blast!

California amusement park with rollercoasters “too extreme” for non-Californians including Zipper on a Wire, The Jungle, Monkey on the Prowl and Buyer Beware. Buyer Beware goes from 0 to 80 mph in one second, starts out over water, has three immediate loops and, according to Dr. Jeff Dowder, causes one to experience “a whole new way of being.” Monkey on the Prowl simulates a monkey’s 100 mph journey through the treetops of the Serengeti; it’s G-forces are so intense, it stretches faces and straightens out Asian accents. This effect lasts about twenty minutes.

Soul Coke

Soft Drink concept proposed by consultant Bob Green to Coca Cola. Soul Coke cans would be in the colors that many African-Americans describe themselves as: Mahogany, Walnut, High Yellow, Coffee with Cream, and Midnight Gun Steel Blue Black.

Space Jungle Rot

a space fungus developed by the Russians and left behind in the unoccupied Mir spacecraft. His genitals infected by NASA via the internet, General Johnson Jameson is the only known case. Since Desenex has no effect, it can be treated only by pouring scalding hot liquid (preferably a light beef broth; throw in a hambone for flavor) in your underwear.

Space Rocket

Lloyd Bonafide's reference to a space shuttle.

Spank Bank

A place men deposit images of beautiful girls seen at the swimming pool. Once in the spank bank these images can be retreived for use at a later time.

Sparking the Owl

Lighting up a marijuana joint.

Spaz

Someone who isn't well coordinated; someone with Spasticity.

Splash Mountain

The act of "drowning out dissent" by tieing up said dissident to a tree, and having the local school computer club urinate on the objector.

Spooge

Semen.

Spooge Demon

A person that is obsessed with semen.

Spoodged

Past tense of Spooge

Sporting Toe

A woman who is showing here camel toe.

Spades Social Club

A club founded by Bob Green where white males gather to tell racist jokes.

"Squeeze one out"

To have a bowel movement.

Squirrél

The "correct" pronunciation of the word "squirrel" used by Jeff Dowder.

Stankification

A condition or circumstance inherently noxious, odious, or otherwise offensive, caused by ugly and/or bull dyke-like women posing topless or nude for photos. Coined by Jay Santos in reference to a women's rugby team that posed topless.

Stars War, The

The film 'Star Wars' as it is referred to by RC Collins.

Steal a Kiss in the Moonlight

to give in to sexual attraction to a prepubescent boy, most often by a Catholic priest.

Stench of A Thousand Years

the result of having sex with a woman that's menstruating.

Steroid Smoothie

A drink consumed by football players at Belmar Academy. The players are unaware that their smoothies have been laced with steroids by legendary coach Vernon Dozier.

Stick-it-in and break-it-off

or, "stick-it-in, twist-it, and break-it-off" is a phrase used by some characters (especially Steve Bosell) at times to describe a point made in an argument that is troubling to the opposing arguer.

Stop Pornography Week

A designated week during which Jay Santos and the CAP approach people exiting video stores and ask to see what's inside their bags so they can assess what kind of filth the customers may be viewing. The Three Step Takedown is utilized on those who don't willingly comply.

Suburban Sex Beast

A divorced, alcoholic, rapacious middle-aged woman bent on seducing teenage boys. Often seen wearing unflattering Spandex capris while sipping a wine cooler.

Swan, the

another one of Austin Amarkas karate moves

Sweet Christ on a Crutch

exclaimation.

Sweet Feathery Jesus

A phrase that expresses amazement at something, or is used to describe something.

Sweater Hogans

Women’s breasts.

Swill

any unappetizing beverage.

Swimmies

Little things you put on kids arms to aid swimming

Swirly

Dip someones head in the toilet and flush.

"Swish...3 points!"

spoken by character after scoring a debating point

Swisher

a very feminine male homosexual

T

Taco Internment Camp

Jay Santos' basement, where those who choose to make a run on the taco are interned by Mr. Santos and the CAP. The walls are lined with his son's bunk-beds to give the basement a camp-like feel.

Taco Restraint

Restraint placed on those mooching the taco at Taco Bell before they are transported to a taco internment camp.

take it in the shorts

To get screwed, figuratively.

Takin it in the shorts like a jail punk

synonomous with gettin your shorts pushed down the cooridoor

Taking one off the chin

Your face/chin being ejaculated on.

Tailgunner

A gentle squeeze on the asscheeks while running a gauntlet. (See: Globe and Anchor)

Tanning Presence

Bobbie Dooley's term for a well-layered tan from a salon.

Teabag

The act of having another's testicles gently, but firmly, placed on the face. This is considered an act of hostility. Also, the act of doing the same (teabagging). According to Lloyd Bonafide, cats have a tendency to do this to humans.

Ted, Jr.

An ounce of 151.

Ted, The

World famous drink invented by Ted Bell consisting of rum and Coke.

Teeth of a sugarcane farmer

Buck toothed (Condoleeza Rice)

Tesas

The State of Texas as referred to by Chris Norton.

Testangular

See Royal American or Scrotillia

theymightbemolestors.com

A website created by Vernon Dozier featuring secretly-snapped photos of women (sometimes pantiless) and men dropping their kids off at school and hugging them.

Three dollar bill

expression for gay. Most famously used by Mavis Leonard in one of her bits, "Interesting Tidbits," in which she says that several famous people are "as queer as a three dollar bill." Also uttered by RC Collins when he debated Harvey Wireman on gay/straight coalition clubs in high schools.

Three Step Takedown, The

Used by the Citizen's Auxillary Police to subdue a suspect.

Step 1. Distract him. "Hey, look at that bird over there." Step 2. An officer gets behind the suspect on all fours. Step 3. Push him.

Tightening my jaws

Something is making you mad.

Tin weiner

submarine. R.C. Collins accused a submariner of riding around in a tin weiner.

Tojo Out

see Buck Out.

Tokin' O'

Smoking opium.

Topiary

the art of steve dooley shaping vegetation into the shape of Bobbie Dooley's wonderful breasts

Towel Wrapper

Someone who wears a turban; an Al-Qaeda terrorist.

Trina Speed Bag

Speed punching bag introduced by Brad Rifkin featuring a sleeve which a picture can be placed in. Aggression can be released by punching the picture of the person attatched to the bag instead of actually punching that person. The bag is named after Brad's wife.

Tuck and Roll

Term used to describe something (such as a bean mobile) when it looks good.

Turban Jockey

Someone who wears a turban; an Al-Qaeda terrorist.

Turban Winder

Someone who wears a turban; an Al-Qaeda terrorist.

Twelve-Stroke

A quite butch lesbian.

Two-Bagger

A woman who is so ugly that you have to put a bag on your head in case the bag on her's breaks. Also known as double-bagger.

Two BBs on a Billiard Table

An under-endowed female's chest area.

U

Up and Left

the act of killing yourself like an honorable samurai. Take the knife and cut yourself in a "backwards L" shape.

V

Vertical toe

a camel toe.

W

Wall-Eyes

Alan Colmes.

Waterfall Effect Curl

see Processed Pompadour.

Weak Sauce

Compares an individual to the mild sauce found at Taco Bell; attempting to be like the other hot sauces, but not living up to expectations.

Weber Cauldron

Cauldron spotted by Bobbi and Steve Dooley in their goblin neighbor's backyard, used to cast spells. The cauldron bears a striking resemblance to a grill and says "Weber" across the side.

Wedge A Kid

The abusive process of wrapping a baby in newspaper and wedging it between two buildings that are close together as found in the Northeastern United States. This results in the child having a pyramid shaped head or cheese-wedge shaped head. Also a patrol division of the citizens Auxiliary Police with matching name.

Western Estates

(n) A gated community of upscale homes in the suburban Los Angeles area. The homeowners association of Western Estates is run by Bobbie and Steve Dooley.

Wet-Away

A auto protectant made with space age polymers. You can douse your upholstery with lighter fluid and set it on fire and the material will not be damaged. Sold by Bob McGraw for his charity "Home for the Elderly" which supports old people that "don't eat good and lay around all day." Sold in a 2 oz. bottle for $45 which will last a year. If your car is damaged, Bob will buy you a new one!

Well-scrubbed hustlin' rube

former Phil Hendrie fan.

Wintertacular (Falltacular ,Summertacular & Springtacular)

Western Estates fashion shows

With It

Contemporary. In touch with the times. A state of being for Bobbi and Steve Dooley.

Whirlwind Vacation

Pastor Rennicks vacations

X

Y

Yoda Baby

a very ugly baby in Bobbi's neighborhood

You Can Rot with the Horned One

(phrase) - Go to Hell

You have a pole shoved so far up there that flies wave around your mouth

Self explanatory

Z

Zapata Tube, the

Device championed by Dave Oliva that facilitates CPR on a Latino without mouth-to-mouth contact because "the street is watching." Named after Latino civil rights/labor activist Emilio Zapata.

Zigzag

Father James McQuarter's favorite way to "blast up."

Zip

See Bowl Haircut. Useage: "We have zips in the wire!"

Zip your bean hole

Shut your mouth.

Zips on the Wire

see Soak Blast!.